I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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