Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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