im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
