May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
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There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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