Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Nicole vs. Life
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
