Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
