she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
