Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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