I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
