at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
