My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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