All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
