how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.