Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
