The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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