I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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