Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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