and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
