Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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