He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
