You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Four minutes until I can fart!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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