READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
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