Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I can't put those talents on a resume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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