We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
