evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
