this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
