OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
