1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
