that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
