Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
false alarm. still invincible.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
