I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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