bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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