He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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