to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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