Do you still have your period?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How external is "for external use only"?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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