so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
