Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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