Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I am puke
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
