If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
