it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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