I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
