a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
