Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
