I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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