your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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