Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
