I love black thongs
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
