I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize