You made me cry and you don't even care
I wish my penis had an off switch
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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