When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.