proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT