Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.