My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Hippo gnu deer
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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