...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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