Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
