Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
