I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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