The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
