Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
