Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
