"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
