don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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