i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize