you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
